It's a God Thing - Painful with Purpose

It's something so far out of our realm of understanding,

Something that is nearly impossible to grasp in the moment,

Something that leaves you with many questions.

HIS PLAN

I'll be completely honest,

I spent a large part of the past year and a half doubting his plan for my family.

Saying it wasn't his plan,

but that his plan was interrupted by human hands.

In 2012 I fell in love with a picture,

I fell in love with the idea of calling the little girl in the picture my daughter.

I fell hard for her [picture].

And when the opportunity was taken away from us,

I said I would never feel whole again,

A piece of me would forever be missing.

2013 was a painful year.

But 2013 is behind us and I can truly say that it was painful with a purpose.

Before that child was listed we were not open to adopting a girl.

Before she was listed, we had not considered older child adoption.

While we were in process to adopt her, we hadn't considered adding a second child to our adoption.

February 27, 2013.

That day turned my world upside down.

What I didn't know was that it was with purpose.

I went through 10 painful months of questioning his plan,

His will for her, for us, for me.

I'm so happy that 2013 is behind us,

I learned a lot from it,

But life lessons are not always easy.

In December she made it home to her family,

I didn't want to follow along,

I didn't want to see pictures,

or know how she was doing.

I expected to feel emptiness,

I expected to forever feel like a piece of my heart was ripped from my chest.

But it didn't,

And that almost made me feel worse.

I felt relieved,

She was home and loved,

She was perfect and happy and exactly where she belonged.

I didn't grieve.

I was given closure,

 Christmas morning,

Her One Month Home,

Beautiful Redemption.

Closure.

She was very very clearly never meant to be mine.

February 27, 2013

It shattered my 2013.

It was the day she found the family God intended for her and I had to deal with the realisation that it was never meant to be mine.

Last week I was going through our adoption paperwork,

Organizing and reorganizing before we travel.

And then I saw a date I knew well....

February 27.

February 27, 2014.

One year later.

It brought back a lot of emotions,

But I sat in awe.

Awe of how great our God is.

February 27, 2014

The day we were officially matched with our second child added to our adoption.

Our older child.

Our daughter.

Beauty from Ashes

I continued to look through papers,

and there was that date again...

On a completely different piece of adoption paperwork.

Immigration approval for #2.

We were very coincidentally officially matched and approved on the US side the same day,

A day with lots of meaning.

A day that we have so much to be thankful for.

One little girl who rocked my world,

We are so grateful for the journey that started with her.

So that was my look back on that.

Then I continue through my adoption paperwork,

Glancing at the calendar every so often.

June 13, 2013

It's another day that shook me to the core.

It was the day I met my future son.

It was the day we said hello,

and the day we also said goodbye.

June 13, 2014

One year later,

It lands on a Friday.

It will be our last day of visits with him on this trip,

We will yet again say Goodbye,

Just one last time,

And this time it's more of a 

See you later!

And there is another date that screams perfect timing,

It's not one with reference to 2013.

It's a new important day in our lives,

It's our future daughter's birthday.

She will turn 10 soon.

Only in his timing would I not only spend the same day one year apart with my soon to be son,

But I will also be in country for her birthday.

She will know that on her 10th birthday,

for the first time in her life,

She is loved. She is celebrated. She is wanted.

And she has a family.
And this year it will be spent in her mamas arms,
NEVER another birthday without us.

And a note to anyone and everyone who reads this,

Take never out of your vocabulary.

I said we would never adopt a girl.

I said we would never adopt an older child.

I said we would never adopt a child with Cerebral Palsy.

I said never to adopting from this country.

I said never to one of my kids' orphanage.

I said I would never commit to adopting another child after grieving through a failed adoption.

Our dictionary must be inaccurate because I'm pretty sure God hears never and turns it into a dare,

I dare you to feel this calling and ignore it.....

I went on a trip with a friend because I said it was safe because it was full of nevers.

It spiraled into one heck of a journey.

We are adopting a little boy with Cerebral Palsy.

We are adopting an older child.

We are adopting a girl.

We are adopting from the country we had ruled out as an option.

We are adopting from an orphanage that we said we could never.

We are adopting two children at the same time, which we never thought we'd even consider.

We are adopting, period, despite saying never again.

And it's because of a little girl who on February 2nd, 2012 rocked my entire world.

I am so grateful for her and her family,

If not for them we would not be where we are right now.

We would not be getting ready to cross an ocean for these amazing blessings which we would have missed out on if things had gone according to my plan.

His plan is perfect,

Always.